Month: May 2017

Almost a Montage- The Orkneys

Just over a week ago, Emergents sponsored me to travel the length and breadth of Scotland to learn about filming with a mobile in the Orkneys.

And for a show off like me this was a dream come true.

I have always fancied a bit of slap stick and now, here was my chance. To get to grips with the iPhone and make fantastic, rip- roaring films that would bring me an audience beyond my dreams.

Make ‘em laugh- I was going to make them slit their sides…

It was a drive and half up north; along a coast that my hubby and I didn’t see because, in my wisdom, I had decided to drive overnight and arrive for the first ferry. We only had two nights and I wanted to explore the island.

We got a ticket on the tour bus and through half shut eyes peered out into the rain at Kirkwall and beyond…Then jumped back on the bus waking only to visit Stromness, for a local beer and soup.

“Do you think that’s a good idea,’ said Hubby, eyeing my pint.

My Hubby is more a tea man.

And with a comment that any wife would be proud of, I downed my pint and threw him a glare. Before I knew it I was staggering through prehistoric stones and villages that made my time living in a caravan look like luxury.

Orkney is a place worth visiting, Kirkwall is as cute as a cup cake. When we were there it was full of tourists from a cruise ship the size of oil tanker. It towered over the other fishing boats in the small bay like a sky scraper in the middle of a field. And its’ cargo filled every tourist spot with Europeans who had no idea that pushing -pissed people of.

The Orcadians embrace these new visitors in a stoical,”let’s make the most of it” fashion.  The shops of Kirkwall and Stromness are geared to tantalized with Orkney arts and crafts and “ye oldie world”streets. The historical spots, (which range from castles to standing stones) are polished and preened, keeping visitors amused even in the rain. And  a noisy Australian ike me, not only quiet but wanting to come back again.

Raining, hail or wind…

The workshop was held in Orkney newly built library- deliciously fill with books which I wish had more time to explore. It looked like the local hub full of community news- sort of like how Lochgilphead’s community centre used to be.

I was so excited when the course started that I laughed at everything, (I don’t get out much). Then when we started interviewing each other…I couldn’t control myself. When it was my turn to interview- I saw my chance, and dashed of one liners stunning my interviewee into silence. My questions had turned into jokes, which I thought was hilarious. Until Bill (we are on first name terms); pointed out that interviewing someone was generally about them and not me…

I took It in the spirit it was meant…

Bill is a great teacher, with an impressive career. His love for technology is only equalled by his love for the people he has interviewed. A journalist who has been all over the world, Bill is still humble enough to appreciate the people who have given him his stories. And listening to him was an inspiring experience.

The others in the class were, like me- female, eager, enthusiastic and full of fun- artist and writers on adventures of creation, and embracing technology.

Rock on sisters…

Avril, Emergents first woman was there, (we’re on first name terms too). She manages all the behind the curtain things that no one notices, neccssary things without which, nothing would run smoothly. She even brought water for the hearing dog of the women.  A dog who was happy to pose, walk and sniff for the camera, and got more laughs than me…

This is my first movie/ montage…

All though not quite up to an eighties Sylvester Stallone montage. I am proud of it.  I should say, all photos were taken by hubby, he is the one who loves to take photos and I am the one who after the first ten “can you stand there please” starts to snarl…

Appologie’s for the abrupt ending, the music was slapped on once uploaded onto Utube, and I haven’t quite perfected the art yet.

BUT it is the beginning of many more…

Shetland here I come.

Kerrie Noor- an Australian abroad

Kerrie’s latest novel  The Downfall of a Belly Dancer is out now on

Amazon :–




Pantomine- It’s Never Too Late To Dress Up

I have been working on a collection of short stories, in between novels. Sometime I find I am in a bit of a block or, like now, overwhelmed with other things.
I have moved from sharing a tiny flat to living on my own with more rooms than necessary and I can’t seem to settle on the long haul of a novel.
The truth is I can’t stop playing house…
For the first time in five years I have my own bathroom and have developed a fetish for pretty soap and wandering around in a dressing gown.  Plotting my novel has been interrupted with trips to Asda, Ikea and Boots. I spend my days enjoying the luxury of a wardrobe big enough to hang a few coats along with more than one shoe, while co-ordinating cushions, candles and those new diffuser bottles, that hopefully don’t spill.
So I went for a quick fix, a short story- A Dame Called Derek, inspired by the few years I performed in a Community Panto.
The real people I met during those years were way more outrageous than I could ever create, but I have given it a good bash.
The Story goes live in a few days but to capture the spirit of Panto I have attached a picture of me (years ago) fulfilling a life long fantasy of being a principle boy.
Living the dream panto style…
Life is too short to share bathroom when you don’t have to and way too short not too feel applause if you want it.
If, like me, you always dreamed of being on stage, then jump into a panto-give it a go. You can cross dress, mime to your favourite song, and crack rubbish jokes…
Grab your dream even if it not quite the way you imagined it.
But just remember to also grab a photo along the way…so you have something to show your grandkids or at least blog about.
Kerrie Noor
Writer of comedy

Wrap up your bunions and try a little walking

I was walking by the sea today. The wind blew my hair into a right bird’s nest as I tried to explain to my other half the reason for writing the Belly Dancing And Beyond series.
‘It’s all about compromise,’ I said. ‘We all think we compromise and blame our partners for being stuck.’
My other half wasn’t listening.
‘Just look at the TV remote.’ I said.
‘What’, he yelled into the wind?
‘You always have it.’
‘But I work in the evening,’ he said.
We plodded past the sewage outlet, past a gull picking at a stray takeaway packet. I told him it was just a figure of speech- an example and then got cross and asked him about the days he wasn’t working. He pretended he didn’t understand and tossed a stone across the waves- the gull followed.
‘I am writing about misunderstanding and cross purposes,’ I said ‘and I am using my experience – working in the takeaway for my next novel, what do you think?’
He looked at his watch.
‘It all about break ups, how we have them over nothing,’ I said. ‘And that is what happens to Mavis and Lumpy in my new novel; they fight over something as stupid as a curry.’
‘Curry is never stupid,’ he says.
‘It’s is not about the curry- the curry is symbolic of bigger things. It’s more about the need to be right and how we destroy things in the name of being right. ’
‘What things,’ he said lobbing another stone.
‘Just things,’ I said, ‘But I can’t really say just now-don’t want to give the plot away.’
He sighed and told me he would be late for work, ‘you’ll have the remote all to yourself,’ he smiled. ‘But you’ll need new batteries.’
I asked him what happened to the old ones and he muttered something about a shaver, ‘you should know,’ he said. ‘You were the last to use it.’ And then he laughed in that annoying –I win you lose sort of way that every attached person hates.
I stared at the gull now perched on top of the barrier; one minute being right is in the palm of your hands and the next, like a good hairdo, it’s gone with the wind.
Kerrie Noor
Writer Of Comedy